Did you know that in almost every case involving a school shooting, the youngster(s) who committed the shootings had been the targets of relentless bullying, teasing, taunting, and harassment by the so called “nice kids.” This does not excuse the horrible deeds of the killers, but it is one important piece of the puzzle about why some young people snap and go berserk. What about the youngsters who don’t go berserk, but who are left emotionally scarred for life at the hands of arrogant and insensitive school terrorists. How prevalent is the problem and what are school authorities doing about it?

I recently got first hand knowledge about how extensive this problem is, and much to my dismay about how school authorities are not only refusing to deal with the problem, but are actually sweeping it under the rug in an attempt to hide it from the public.

My son Kevin, age fifteen, was viciously attacked in the school hallway. Unknowingly, some other boy’s girlfriend had a secret crush on Kevin, and suddenly, without warning or provocation the boy attacked. He hit and choked my son repeatedly; in fact, witnesses stated that Kevin did not hit back and that after being torn off Kevin the other boy repeated the attack five times. Kevin is in Olympic diving training. Daily he weight lifts and does sit-ups with a forty-five pound weight on his chest, not to mention the hours spent swimming laps and diving. He could have easily demolished the other kid, but he chose not to strike back for fear of being suspended from school. He was concerned about his grades being affected. I thought the school authorities would press criminal charges on the other boy, but instead they gave him five days of suspension, which is nothing to a boy who hates school anyway. I began finding out things I didn’t like.

Apparently, the assistant principal wanted to keep the problem “in house” so that these kind of things would not become public record, show up on the computer statistics, now available to anyone using the internet, and wind up making the school look bad. I was furious. I spoke with the Assistant Principal who brushed me off and told me there was nothing further that he could do. I told him “bull” and that since I consult to the Virginia State police I was going to make certain that this problem was properly dealt with. I spoke with the school police officer and demanded that criminal charges for assault and battery be brought against the youngster who did the attack, and if he didn’t take care of the problem I would. The youngster was brought before the juvenile court and is now in a diversion program, where he now has a juvenile record but where he can receive counseling. I did some investigating and found out that the juvenile court daily gets many such cases, but that the cases reported only scratches the surface. The vast majority of cases are handled “in house” and never reported to the authorities.

I also found out that relentless bullying, teasing, taunting, harassment, and hitting are frequent daily occurrences, but the kids have a code of silence, since reporting it to the school officials only makes matters worse. It seems that the officials won’t take serious steps to control the situation and that if a youngster reports an incident there is implied permission, or an open license, for the perpetrator to seek revenge without any ramifications.

If a child becomes a target for bullying then there is little he or she can do to make it stop. If they cry or lash back in anger the bullying gets worse and worse. The bullies know that there will be no serious consequences. You may think I’m only talking about high schools? I’m not. This is an epidemic problem even in the elementary schools, and nothing is being done about it.

I’ll bet that there are numerous parents reading this article who have to cope with this very problem. I’ll bet that many of you are tormented knowing that you are sending your child to school for a day of hell, and you’re frustrated because you can’t get the school officials to do a thing to correct the situation.

 

1. Many states have laws requiring the school to teach and incorporate value education and character training into their curriculum, but only very few are actually putting the programs into effect. You, as a parent can contact you state’s department of education to let them know that your school officials are being remiss and not fulfilling the requirements of the law. If that doesn’t work, contact you local congressman, but whatever you do, don’t give up. Keep pursuing state officials until your school leaders start acting.

2. Mobilize your Parent Teacher Organization to petition that the school officials require the school counselors to become proactive instead of reactive. In other words, have them require that counselors stop sitting comfortably in their offices waiting for problem cases to be brought to their attention. Counselors can actively teach in the classrooms. They can teach understanding, caring, empathy, and sensitivity to children who are not leaning these lessons at home. With proper training, brutes can be transformed into becoming respectful, kind, and caring.

3. Demand that school officials, and the school police officer, enforce the law. If an act of aggression is committed, require that the initiator be legally prosecuted. Let the courts establish a juvenile record. Once a youngster builds a record, known as priors, the courts will handle the youngster with increasingly stiffer penalties. This sends a message to all students. You hit, you get charged! No initiating of aggression will any longer be permitted. This message will serve as a powerful deterrent; believe me this is now happening in my son’s school.

4. If your child is ever hit, you can press criminal charges, and don’t let the school officials convince you that you can’t. If your child is hurt, you can also seek financial remedy in the civil courts. I’m not asking you to do this as a means for making money, but rather as a way of sending a message to other parents, that if their kid is violent, they will pay!

5. If your child is attacked, make certain that the school police officer, or the community police get precise, accurate, and well-documented eyewitness accounts. This documentation should be gathered immediately following the incident, because witness accuracy fades very quickly. These reports are essential if a court case is to prevail. School officials are not trained to record eyewitness accounts, and therefore, it is important that a police officer gather the information.

6. Train your child to care about the well being of others. Train your child to be a warm and inviting person. Encourage your child to extend a welcoming hand to children who are newcomers to the school. These aren’t necessarily traits that come naturally to many children; deliberately teaching them, I believe, is imperative. It is important that your child not be one of the culprits.

7. And, finally, I want you to send in editorials to your local papers about these problems. Inform your community. Try to mobilize other parents to help do something to stop the terror perpetrated on too many of our children.

I ask that you help. This problem is a national disgrace. I’m only warming up. I intend to do everything I can to reduce or eliminate this as a source of physical and emotional pain for too many of our children. God bless.

 

* If you enjoyed this article, please see http://www.StopRAtoday.com and http://www.bullywhys.com and Is bullying to blame for school shootings?

About Dr. Dave:  Dr. David B. Stein is a professor at Virginia State University, in Virginia.  He is the author of Ritalin Is Not the Answer; The Ritalin Is Not the Answer Action Guide; Unraveling the ADD/ADHD Fiasco: Successful Parenting Without Drugs; Stop Medicating, Start Parenting; and Controlling the Difficult Adolescent.